


Don't Just Lie and Say It's Fine

by MissKiraBlue, the_inner_darkness



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Accidents, Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Angst, Aobajousai, Aobajousai Kageyama Tobio, Apologies, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Bottom Kageyama Tobio, Bottom Oikawa Tooru, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Angst, Childhood Friends, Classical Music, Co-Written, Coming of Age, Confident Kageyama Tobio, Depression, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hate to Love, He went to Seijoh, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealous Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama didn't go to Karasuno, Karasuno, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mother-Son Relationship, Multilingual Character, Music, Mutual Pining, POV Kageyama Tobio, POV Oikawa Tooru, Past Relationship(s), Pianist Kageyama Tobio, Piano, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Protective Siblings, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Rare Pairings, References to Depression, Romance, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Sibling Bonding, Sister-Sister Relationship, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Switching, Tattooed Kageyama Tobio, Tattoos, Third Year Hinata Shouyou, Third Year Kageyama Tobio, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yachi Hitoka, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Top Kageyama Tobio, Top Oikawa Tooru, Tsukishima Kei and Kageyama Tobio friendship, Tsukki and Kags are childhood friends, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, not within the main pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2020-10-21 19:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20698838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKiraBlue/pseuds/MissKiraBlue, https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_inner_darkness/pseuds/the_inner_darkness
Summary: People will leave your life unexpectedly, without an explanation or a goodbye. People will go from being there every day, into a fading memory. People will leave. Time and time again.They will leave.It's been 3 years since Kageyama moved to another country with his family, leaving everything and everyone behind. It's been 3 years and now, because of a painful, tragic accident, he and his dad decided to come back to Japan.Will Kageyama learn how to live with himself, after what he had done?It's been 3 years since Oikawa's life turned upside down. His family doesn't know a single thing about him, his sister doesn't talk to him anymore, and Oikawa hates her fiancé with all his life. His best friend is the only one who knows what's really going on inside his head, but even he has no idea what Oikawa fears to face.Will Oikawa learn how to accept himself?





	1. Just a little bit farther

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bwahtato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwahtato/gifts).

> Hiii our adorable–evils!!! Here's a new fanfics which me and the_inner_darkness are writing together!! I hope you guys will enjoy this fic as much as we will/do!!
> 
> the_inner_darkness has a beautiful Oikage fanfic on her site, it's masterfully written, read it if you would like to see how well she writes. It is called "let's stand where the sun can't see" 
> 
> here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20649872/chapters/49037096
> 
> If you're interested the other author – me – work, I have only one Haikyuu fanfic. It has four parts up, currently (it will have 5) ongoing currently. 
> 
> here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17060021/chapters/40113755
> 
> This fic is a gift for Bwahtato – who is a very dear friend to the both of us – we love you dearly. Thank you for always being there for us, commenting to our work, telling us how you liked it. You are the best.

**Don’t Just**

** Lie **

**and Say **

**It’s Fine**

  
  
  
  


**Chapter 1**

  
  


**Just a little bit farther**

Kageyama 

  
  
  
  
  


People will leave your life unexpectedly, without an explanation or a goodbye. People will go from being there every day, into a fading memory. People will leave. Time and time again. 

They will leave.

Sometimes you wish they stayed. Sometimes you wish you stayed. Sometimes you just wish you left with them.

Kageyama had no idea what he wished for, after November 2nd.

**––––––––––––––––––**

Days were going rather slowly, nowadays. Kageyama only remembered waking up in the morning, breathing, and then going back to sleep. 

Then doing all of that over again in the next day, and again, and again, and again–

Today was different, though.

He was tying his boots after his shower – his hair was still cold and wet on his nape, almost falling over his eyes. He had no idea how he looked like, whether the tiredness or his pain was noticeable in his eyes, he hadn’t looked into a mirror since last week.

_ I doubt I ever will. _

He stood up from his bed, went towards the other side of his room, and looked at his clothes, hanging in the wardrobe. 

He stared at his colorful clothes. Red, orange, blue and white–

_ He wanted to throw up. _

He narrowed his eyes, he felt his throat close off as he reached for one – as he took a white shirt into his hands. He felt the soft fabric caress his fingertips, lightly and gently. 

A voice, like a warm hug. A memory, like the sun itself after the dawn, came to him like a whisper.

_ “Are you nervous, sweetheart? Daddy really is – he looks like he’s gonna scream, this will be your first performance, after all,” his mom said. Her blue eyes shone with joy, the same pair of his. She was standing behind him, both of them were looking into the mirror. _

_ Eight year old Kageyama was never nervous. He was brave. “I’m not nervous,” he shook his head and turned around to look at his mom. She crouched down and touched his cheek with gentle hands. _

_ Her smile was everything good in this world. _

_ “Good,” she whispered proudly, pressing a kiss on his forehead. “You look very handsome in white.” _

_ Little Kageyama frowned, confused. “Handsome?” His mom saw this and started giving little kisses on his cheek and on his hair. _

_ “Yes,” she gave out a quiet laugh. “Almost like an adult.” _

The silence in the room felt deafening.

He clenched his fists, staring down at the white shirt, creasing the cloth. He threw it away, not caring to look back where it landed, and with short, quick breaths, he started to put his other clothes into the suitcase. Every time he touched something which was colorful and not black, he felt the bile crawl up into his throat, begging to be let out. He put all of his socks, underwears, scarfs, gloves and hats in there as well, along with his toothbrush and toothpaste. He closed it and then pulled out another suitcase. He packed his MacBook and iPad there with their chargers – his phone charger as well. His headset, his glasses – which he only used rarely –, with its case and wiping cloth, and his meds. He closed it and then turned over to a big sport bag. He put all of his training, gym related things, including clothes and shoes. Also his – now old – jersey from this school’s team, and a volleyball. He closed that, too and then stood up.

He noticed several piano sheets sitting on his desk. His mother’s elegant handwriting was unmistakable. 

Kageyama didn’t even notice when he got there, when he touched the sheets and held them between his hands.

_ Little Kageyama frowned, confused. “Handsome?” His mom saw this and started giving little kisses on his cheek and on his hair. _

_ “Yes,” she gave out a quiet laugh. “Almost like an adult.” _

Kageyama brought the sheets towards his chest, hugged them gently, and laid his chin to prevent them from falling. 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

His dad didn’t speak during their ride towards the airport. He was driving, all in black, holding the wheel until his fingertips turned white. Kageyama looked over Kageyama Ren from the passenger’s seat, staring at him.

From the outside, Kageyama was just like his dad. 

The same handsome features, the unique jawline and shape of eyes, their heights and how confidently they walked and held themselves.

Only his dad’s eyes color were not blue, they were brown.

_ Maybe that’s the reason why it is so hard for him to look at me. _

Kageyama laid his head back on the seat, trying to lessen his headache. He slowly turned his head and looked out of the car’s window, noticing the Eiffel Tower. It glowed like hundreds of golden stars, for it was close to past ten. The cars around them were just as fast as they were – people walked through the street with shopping bags, talking over their phone, or just having fun with their friends. The light in the buildings were on, like candles in the night.

_ I will miss you, Paris. _

Kageyama wanted to say it out loud, but he didn’t want it to be true, so he stayed silent.

_ I wonder if I ever speak again. _

His phone gave out a buzzing sound and Kageyama pulled it out from the pocket of his black leather jacket. His eyes flickered over his wrists for a minute, his dark tattoo, all vicious, strong lines came into his vision. His eyes then glanced to his phone.

**Tsukishima:**

**– Are you on the plane?**

Kageyama blinked and almost gave out a tired smile, seeing his childhood friend worry. He started to type back.

**– On the way to the airport.**

**––––––––––––––––––**

He was looking down at beautiful cities in the night, his dad was sleeping next to him on the plane. Kageyama was eating a brownie, listening to music with earphones in. Mostly French and English songs – because he loved the lyrics for he spoke both of those languages fluently.

He wasn’t ready for listening to his old favorite songs, Japanese songs from his childhood, from all the way back.

Sometimes he got bored and almost automatically switched to classical songs, which his mom–

Kageyama stopped and turned off the music and didn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t sleep properly or much at all, since last week.

_ I doubt I ever will. _

He only stared out of the window, trying to figure it out whether it was okay or not, to find something beautiful, even after what happened.

**––––––––––––––––**

When they arrived home – after three long years of him being gone –, Kageyama didn’t want to even look at their old house. He was already careful to not even look at the _ streets _. His dad gave him a key and then began to pack out their stuff from the back of the car. Kageyama stared down at the key in his hands. He made himself look at the house, walked close to the front door, and opened it.

It didn’t feel anything. 

It didn’t feel anything when he stepped in, when he packed most of his own stuff out, when he helped his dad pack his stuff out–

It didn’t feel like home.

_ Maybe nothing will again, anymore. _

**––––––––––––––––**

Kageyama was lying in his bed, completely awake, staring at the ceiling with tired eyes. But not because he was tired physically. He was tired in a different way.

He felt like he wasn’t alive. Not really.

His phone buzzed. Kageyama picked it up and looked at it.

**Tsukishima:**

**– Don’t do anything stupid.**

Kageyama almost smiled. Almost. “I’m not that dumb,” he whispered into nothing. He typed back.

**– How could I when I haven’t seen your stupid face yet?**

He answered immediately.

**Tsukishima:**

**– Looks like you stayed as annoying as you always were. Good.**

Kageyama clicked his tongue and then turned off his phone. He closed his eyes and didn’t sleep. He couldn’t, not really.

Whenever he closed his eyes all he could think of was November 2nd. 

_ He would never forget so much blood. _

**–––––––––––––––––––**

People will leave your life unexpectedly, without an explanation or a goodbye. People will go from being there every day, into a fading memory. People will leave. Time and time again. 

They will leave.

Sometimes you wish they stayed. Sometimes you wish you stayed. Sometimes you just wish you left with them.

Kageyama had no idea what he wished for, after November 2nd. 

_ That was a lie. _

He knew what he wished for.

**–––––––––––––––––**

_ I wish I would have died instead of her. _


	2. even though perils should wait ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere, in an older universe, the night sky looked like a tapestry of diamonds. Somewhere darkness is place white and sparkling. 
> 
> Imagine such a universe-not being able to navigate under the night sky, but the imagery is one that is unforgettable. 
> 
> To Oikawa, Nakahara Izumi held the universe in his eyes. 
> 
> Until he didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYY this is the_inner_darkness! We're going to be alternating chapters, so we hope it's not going to be too confusing. I'm happy with how this turned out, and I hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as we enjoy writing it :)))

**Don't Just**

**Lie**

**And Say**

**It's Fine**

**Chapter 2**

**Even though perils should wait ahead**

Oikawa

* * *

People will leave your life unexpectedly without an explanation or a goodbye. People will go from being there every day into a fading memory. People will leave, time and time again, they will leave.

_I know that._

_Of course I do._

They are allowed to do that –allowed to leave if something in him doesn’t want to stay.

We gave him no reason to want to stay.

* * *

November 2nd

Oikawa woke up when Iwaizumi shook him awake, yelling at him.

“If you don't want to do extra laps, get up.”

_Why didn’t my alarm ring?_

He looked over to his alarm clock with a dazed expression, seeing it working fine. He rubbed his tired eyes, pulled off the covers, stretching his arms and looked out the window. The gray sky caressed the clouds, wind danced with the trees and made their leaves flutter.

“It's going to rain in a while, so we have to hurry.”

Oikawa heard Iwaizumi’s voice, and then he closed his eyes. “Iwa-chan, carry me.”

Iwaizumi sighed and grabbed Oikawa’s arms, pulling him up and out of bed. He pushed him in the bathroom, handing him his clothes. “I’ll bring breakfast, you finish your shower.”

Oikawa yawned and was met by a towel hitting his face, causing him to burst into laughter. He turned on the shower, feeling the cool water slide down his face and tried to ignore the twisting feeling in his stomach.

He let the water wash away the lather, fixing his eyes on the broken tile on the wall.

_I don't know what's happening, but something is really wrong-_

“Oikawa, get the hell out, we're going to get yelled at!”

Iwaizumi's voice cut through his thoughts, and he shut off the water and dried his hair. Walking out of the bath, he saw Iwaizumi standing near the doorframe, tapping his foot. He threw a white shirt at him.

Oikawa just grinned and put it on, grabbing the plate – the toast and eggs – from Iwaizumi's hand. He took a bite of it as they walked down the stairs. He stilled and said,

“My mom didn't make this.”

Iwaizumi turned around, his eyes were unreadable. “Yuuna did.”

Oikawa’s eyes widened at the mention of her.

Iwaizumi noticed it and let out a tired sigh. “Oikawa, she's not at fault for loving him. She's trying, too.”

“I know she isn't.” Oikawa just walked past Iwaizumi, not looking at him, not even trying to hear him. “But she ignores what he does. She knows I can't stand him, yet she ignores his taunts, _she's my sister_, and that makes it worse than anything she could have done.”

* * *

_On the first day of their second year, a senior gave a presentation on astronomy. He asked us why the night sky was dark. 'If our universe is infinite,' he said, 'how can there be spaces between the stars?' He didn't answer the question until the end._

_He looked straight at Oikawa, who was listening attentively with bright eyes, 'It's because our universe is still relatively young. It is finite. Not enough stars or galaxies have been formed yet to fill in the spaces.'_

_What that meant to Oikawa was, that somewhere, in an older universe, the night sky looked like a tapestry of diamonds. Somewhere darkness is place white and sparkling._

_Imagine such a universe-not being able to navigate under the night sky, but the imagery is one that is unforgettable._

_To Oikawa, Nakahara Izumi held the universe in his eyes._

_Until he didn't, until his eyes turned dark and the stars vanished._

* * *

Oikawa couldn't focus during practice. He kept setting too high, or too low. His serves kept hitting the net. Iwaizumi slapped the back of his head, told him to get his head in the game, but something was wrong.

_What's wrong?_

_Everything seems normal._

The coach blew his whistle, signaling the end of practice. Everyone lined up and bowed, and then went to the locker rooms to change.

“Oikawa, hold on a second.”

Oikawa turned around, surprised. “Coach?”

“Is something the matter?”

Oikawa smiled. A slow, calm, _fake_ smile. “Nothing at all, I just overslept today. It won't happen again.”

The coach merely raised an eyebrow. “Okay, take care of yourself.”

“I will. Rather, Iwa-chan will,” He flashed a cheeky grin.

He could have sworn he heard the coach muttering, “kids these days,” as Iwaizumi threw a volleyball at him.

* * *

Iwaizumi and Oikawa sat in the courtyard, having a free hour before evening practice. Iwaizumi nudged Oikawa as a familiar tall and muscular figure approached. Oikawa looked up and put a smile on his face.

“Hello, Izumi.”

Izumi gave him a small grin which was more of a smirk, and reached down to grab his arm and pull him up. Oikawa turned around and waved at Iwaizumi. “See you later, Iwa–chan.” Iwaizumi hesitantly waved back.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Izumi hissed in Oikawa’s ear. “Don't you think you both are _a little too close_ for best friends?”

Oikawa looked up at him with a glare. “We've had this conversation, don't be stupid.”

Izumi clicked his tongue. His grip around Oikawa’s arm tightened ever so slightly, and Oikawa let out a noise.

“What's wrong, _princess_?”

“Don't call me that.” Oikawa growled at him.

Izumi’s voice was full of delight. “Or what? You'll leave me?”

“As a matter of fact, I will.”

He smirked again. “You and I both know you can't do that. Wouldn't want dear Kaito to find out, right?”

Oikawa seethed, anger rising, when he heard a female voice. “Nakahara–san, do you think you could help me out with this?”

Izumi smiled charmingly at the girl. “Of course, Hana. Can I meet you after an hour?”

“Sure, I'll wait near the lunch counter,” she walked away, her long black hair was swishing.

Oikawa turned to Izumi. “I can't stand you,” he said. “I'm not going to be with you any longer. I'm tired of putting up with your arrogance.”

Izumi put his arm around Oikawa and pulled him closer. Not too close for anybody to find it weird, but close enough that Oikawa felt the terror rise in him. “You know very well what will happen if you do.”

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, anger spilling over. “Are you threatening me–”

“Oikawa, come on, we need to go for practice, Coach called early to discuss positions for the next match.” Iwaizumi stood a few feet away, face seemingly calm, but fists balled at his sides.

Izumi seemed annoyed, and Oikawa freed himself from his grip as fast as he could, and walked towards Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan, my savior,” He whispered, not wanting Izumi to hear, and smiled, eyes crinkling.

“Why do you put up with him? Iwaizumi leaned closer and whispered in a low voice.

Oikawa didn’t answer. He just looked at the sky.

_Because sometimes, through the clouds of arrogance in his eyes, I can see the universe._

* * *

November 9th

Iwaizumi walked up to Oikawa in the lunchroom, looking livid. “I hate that piece of shit,” He seethed. “You can't stay with him.”

“What happened now?” Oikawa asked, not looking up from the paper he was writing on, not even asking who Iwaizumi was talking about, because his best friend hated Izumi as much as Makki hated sweating.

Iwaizumi had a pained expression on his face. “He was with a girl with long hair, not too long ago.”

Oikawa looked up. “Hana? She's in the same class as him, they work on projects together, I'm sure it's fine.”

“I don't think any sort of project involves _kissing_.”

Oikawa’s eyes widened and his grip around his pen tightened. His wide smile appeared on his face, even though it appeared strained. “I'll be right back, Iwa-chan.”

He closed his books, capped his pen, and walked to the other end of the lunchroom where Izumi was laughing with a few other girls.

“Iz-_Nakahara_, come outside for a bit.”

Izumi leaned towards Oikawa. “What's wrong, _princess_?”

Oikawa grabbed his arm, much like Izumi had done to him before, and pulled him out until they reached the neighboring park.

He turned around, eyes flashing. “What is wrong with you? Are you really that horrible of a person, that you would go with someone else behind someone's back?”

Izumi crossed his arms, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Hana. You were with Hana, and you still won't let me leave. Go be with her, I don't mind,” Oikawa said through clenched teeth. “Even though, I don't want to be with you, you won't let me _go_.”

“You know what will happen if you leave.” Izumi answered, with cold eyes. “I do have a reputation to keep up, and you can't go around ruining that.”

Oikawa, blinded by rage, raised his hand to slap Izumi, when he saw a flash of familiar dark hair in his periphery. He turned his head, his eyes meeting none other than Kageyama Tobio.

He couldn't breathe. It was as if time had stopped.

A harsh voice cut through. “Oikawa, where do you think you're going, leaving all your stuff–”

Iwaizumi fell silent behind him. He must have noticed Kageyama as well.

_So I didn't imagine him._

_I'm not going mad, that's good to know._

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi and saw him bow slightly to Kageyama.

Oikawa’s eyes went round as he looked back at Kageyama.

His black hair almost hid his blue eyes, he was taller and held himself with strength. Oikawa then looked into his eyes. But–

_He looks like he's in really bad shape._

He looked like a different person.

_With his tired, old eyes._

Oikawa’s heart stopped.

_He looks almost-_

_Sad._

A tall, blonde guy walked up to Kageyama, who was still staring at Oikawa and Iwaizumi in confusion, from the other side of the park. The blonde shot a glare towards them, and placing a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder, guided him away.

Iwaizumi met Oikawa’s eyes, the same question reflecting in each of them.

_Why did he come back?_

Iwaizumi then suddenly noticed Izumi. Oikawa even forgot he was there. “You,” Iwaizumi growled. “You just can't leave Oikawa alone, can you? If you think I don't know exactly what kind of person you are, you're mistaken. I do. So _watch_ _your_ _back_.”

Izumi just stood there with his disgusting smile. “We'll see,” he drawled.

* * *

People will leave your life unexpectedly without an explanation or a goodbye. People will go from being there every day into a fading memory. People will leave, time and time again, they will leave.

_I know that._

_Of course I do._

They are allowed to do that – allowed to leave if something in him doesn’t want to stay.

_We gave him no reason to want to stay._

That's a lie.

* * *

_I could have given him one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from the song "Grand Escape", which is the OST for Makoto Shinkai's new movie Weathering With You.
> 
> Hope you liked it :D :D


	3. God, it hurts to be human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His my adorable–evils!!! Here's the new chapter and I hope you'll like it!! Me and the_inner_darkness love this story so much!!
> 
> Thank you for the comments, kudos, hits and bookmarks. You guys are the best!!
> 
> Lots of love and hugs!!

**Chapter 3**

**God, it hurts to be human**

Kageyama

**–––––––––––––––––––**

He was getting used to waking up in a house where there was no sound.

Usually by now, Kageyama’s mom would have made pancakes, which had filled the whole house with an incredible, delicious smell. Kageyama would have heard laughter and life down in the kitchen.

Now–

_There is nothing._

In all honesty, Kageyama didn’t sleep a wink. He lay in his bed, looking at the ceiling, and sometimes at the fast, quick paced lights on the floor, whenever a car passed by the house. He raised his arms and noticed a visible, long, healing scar. It started from his palm and ended up close to his elbows – the tattoo on that, on that part, his right arm, looked like as if it had been cut in half –, which, if he began to think, was what happened.

Kageyama frowned and turned his head away from the scar.

_I wish that man could have finished what he had started._

Kageyama did.

He wished for it so much that he sunk his nails into the wound, almost making it bleed.

**––––––––––––––––––**

Kageyama walked down the stairs and, for a single unbearable moment, he saw himself in the mirror, after a week. He could feel the disgust and fear inside of him already.

_I forgot we had a mirror here._

He decided to wear black casual pants, which were skinny close to his ankles and below his knees but nowhere else. He had his black Jordan sneakers, his dark hoodie and a baseball hat with a mask, because he didn’t want to be recognized by anyone from Seijoh.

Only his blue eyes could be seen clearly.

Kageyama tore his gaze from the mirror and headed towards the front door, when a voice startled him.

“Where are you going, Tobio?”

Kageyama stopped his hands on the door handle, and looked back at his older self. His dad was sitting on the couch, papers were all around him, everywhere. The older man held his gaze for a couple of minutes, but then he looked away instantly.

Kageyama felt his insides froze and shatter.

He slowly looked away, too. “I’m going to visit Kiyoko,” he said quietly.

“Oh, Kiyoko–chan,” his dad voice was filled with affection. Kageyama knew he and his mom loved her when they were together, three years ago. “Tell her I said hi, and she should come over dinner sometime. Kei, too,” he then continued, “I’ll probably order something from a restaurant for dinner and then bring it home, so be at home for seven, okay?”

Kageyama’s breath hitched in his throat. “Of course, thanks dad,” he said and then headed out with a beating machine in his chest which refused to stop.

**––––––––––––––––**

He didn't even have to knock – Kiyoko’s front door opened with a quick movement. Kageyama opened his mouth and started to stretch out his arms to let Kiyoko hug him–

Only it wasn’t Kiyoko who opened the door.

It was a younger, much cuter version of Kiyoko, with round glasses.

Kageyama looked down – he still remembered when she was taller than him – and said, “Hi, Hana.”

Hana pouted and stepped away to let Kageyama in the house. Her socks reached her knees, with a blue skirt and an orange jumper. “You can still tell us apart, Tobio.”

Kageyama almost smiled behind his mask. He pulled off his shoes and bowed before he continued his way to the house. “I could pick Kiyoko out from anywhere.”

“I’m hotter, though,” Hana put her hands on her waist and straightened her back, looking pretty smug. “My sister went to the store. She’s been out for long though, so she can be back at any minute.” Kageyama walked towards her and noticed how tall he really got. One – even two heads taller.

It seemed, Hana noticed too. She raised an arm, stood on her tiptoes and waved her hand above Kageyama’s head. “Well, look at that. You finally look like a man.”

Kageyama flicked her forehead with a finger, making Hana wince, fell back on her feet. “Ouch,” she touched her forehead. “That was mean.”

Kageyama touched her cheek with both side and squeezed gently, Hana’s eyes widened. “That’s because I’m _mean._”

Hana narrowed her eyes and mumbled. “No you’re not, you’re just an eighteen year old kid who is younger than me.”

Kageyama let her go and shrugged. “Only with a year, though.”

The front door opened and both of them turned around.

Kiyoko dropped the shopping bags to the floor and – without even thinking about anything – flew to Kageyama and hugged him. Kageyama brought his hands around her waist and buried his face into the crook of her neck, feeling as if he finally got home.

“Shoes!” Hana shouted behind them, gesturing wildly. “Kiyoko, shoes!”

**–––––––––––––––**

Kiyoko opened the door to her room and Kageyama took his time to look around.

Many things had changed since the last time he had been here. But of course, many things could change after 3 years.

Kageyama brought his hand to her book on the shelf and let his fingers dance around them as he went over every each of them. He saw pictures hanging on the wall, a laptop in the corner of the room, textbooks. She was in college, after all.

Kageyama felt hands around his waist and he leaned into the touch immediately.

“I’m sorry,” Kiyoko whispered.

Kageyama stilled, pulled off his baseball hat and his mask, and put it down on the desk, then he touched Kiyoko’s hand and slowly pulled her towards the bed. They sat down and Kageyama suddenly couldn’t find his words. His chest felt heavy and he just _couldn’t_.

He rolled his sleeves up and showed her the scar, looking at her. Her grey, almost blue eyes stay on the wound, as she gently brought a hand over it.

She stopped.

“Go ahead,” Kageyama murmured.

Kiyoko took a deep breath as she laid a finger on it, then slowly the palm of her hand. Kageyama let her for a minute and then pulled his hand back, rolling down the sleeves of his hoodie.

The silence felt infinite until Kiyoko spoke, “I’m glad you didn’t get killed during it.”

“Don’t,” Kageyama said softly.

“I’m glad she saved you.”

Kageyama winced and leaned down on the bed. Kiyoko followed him immediately, lying besides him. The soft blanket felt good and comfortable against his skin. Kiyoko found his hand, Kageyama intertwined their fingers.

“I miss her, too,” Kiyoko whispered. Her long, black hair twirled all around on the bed. She put her glasses away and leaned on her arm, to watch Kageyama. “I loved her.”

Kageyama slowly blinked. “She loved you, too,” Kageyama remembered then. “Dad said hi, he invited you to dinner.”

“When?”

“Whenever you want.”

Kiyoko hummed. “I love him, too.”

Kageyama’s lips twitched. “You’re a family, you know that.”

“How he’s handling it?”

Kageyama wore storm on his face like second skin. “He can’t look at me,” he ignored the pain in his chest.

Kiyoko noticed immediately, like she always did. “_Tobio_–”

“_Don’t_,” Kageyama said softly.

Kiyoko stopped, not wanting to push it. At least not now. Then she noticed something else, she looked down at Kageyama’s hands, knuckles, neck. “You’re kinda giving out some kind of a bad boy image, with all of these tattoos.”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, but grateful for the change of topic. “This way you can at least show off with your ‘_bad boy_’ ex.”

Kiyoko looked at him, also not impressed. She poked Kageyama’s cheek. “Did someone get cocky during their time in France?”

Kageyama frowned. “I have to live up to my tattoos–”

Kiyoko lightly hit his hand. “Shut up.”

Kageyama clicked his tongue, pulled away the hand and then touched Kiyoko’s hair – he took some into the palm of his hand.

“I have a new boyfriend,” Kiyoko announced.

Kageyama looked into her eyes, not missing a beat. “If he hurts you–”

“You’ll tear off his head, I know,” Kiyoko finished gently. “You’ll like him, he’s not like that. His name is Tanaka Ryuunosuke.”

Kageyama’s voice lowered. “We’ll see if I like him or not–”

“Tobio–”

“If he even as much looks at you in the wrong way–”

“You sound like you’re still in love with me.”

Silence fell to the room. But then–

Kageyama and Kiyoko burst out laughing. Her head fell to his chest and Kageyama closed his eyes, his shoulders were shaking with immense joy.

“Yeah, right,” Kageyama took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “This was a good one.”

Kiyoko was still laughing, she couldn’t even talk. “I shouldn’t laugh,” she _wheezed_. “Oh my god, I shouldn’t laugh–”

Kageyama pulled her closer and laid his head on top of hers. “I swear, you’re a piece of work.”

Kiyoko started to calm down and snuggled closer to him. “You’re the one to talk.”

Kageyama had a weird thought. “Let’s settle on that Tsukishima is the best piece of work out of all of us, hands down.”

“It’s not even a competition.” Kiyoko was still going. “Tsukishima is on a whole new level.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Seriously, do you know what he did the other day.”

“Oh, this sounds intriguing.”

“He has a crush on this guy called Kuroo, who is the captain of the volleyball team called Nekoma–”

“Damn, a volleyball captain? That’s a new low for Tsukishima–”

“– and he decided that the best way to avoid his developing crush is to have one night stands with the guy.”

“....”

“....”

“What?”

“You heard that right.”

“Aren’t Tsukishima supposed to be the smart one in our group?”

“Hey!”

“Oh, you know what I mean Kiyoko, you’re the beautiful, intelligent one.”

“Nice save, Tobio, nice save–”

Kageyama’s phone went off in that moment. He and Kiyoko exchanged a look. Kageyama pulled out the phone from the pocket of his hoodie and then looked at the ID.

_No fucking way._

Kiyoko tried to muffle her laughter with her hands, covering her mouth while Kageyama put the caller on speaker and said, in the most calming tone as possible, “What?”

“I had a weird, unmistakable feeling you were talking shit about me,” Tsukishima drawled.

“Well that’s just fascinating.”

“Are you getting smart with me?”

Kiyoko’s head turned so red for struggling to hold back her laughter. Kageyama suddenly remembered what she told him.

“You know all about that, don’t you?”

Kiyoko couldn’t hold it anymore.

At that,

she lost it.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“Just cause you think you have tattoos now, you can do anything–”

“Why does everyone keep mentioning my tattoos–”

Tsukishima gave him a look above his shoulder, looking back. He tried to look down on Kageyama, even though they were the same height.

“Wow, keep doing that and maybe one day your eyes gets crossed and then you won’t see my shitty face anymore.”

Tsukishima wrinkled his nose. “You are so annoying.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Good question.”

“Why do I put up with you?”

“Good question– wait a minute.”

Kageyama innocently looked away and leaned back on the bench in the park where they were sitting. The sun was high on the sky, Kageyama pushed down his mask and pulled off his baseball hat. He held them in his hands.

“Did you just–”

“Tsukishima, keep up,” Kageyama sighed and then felt Tsukishima ruffle his hair. Kageyama tried to get away but Tsukishima held him strongly.

“Where are you going?” Tsukishima asked sweetly, still destroying his hair.

“Okay, fine, stop, stop, stop–” Tsukishima stopped and Kageyama turned back at him, with narrowed eyes. The blonde had a smug smirk on his face. The longer Kageyama stared at him–

_The more I realized how I missed him._

“What?” Tsukishima asked, raising his brows.

Kageyama gently shook his head and then leaned back, putting his head on the bench. “Nothing.”

He still remembered the day he and Tsukishima met. His mom and Tsukishima’s mom were best friends. When they were introduced to each other, they hated the other’s guts to no end. They did prank on the other, again and again, taking every single opportunity they could. But then one day, something changed.

_“Hey, silly, why are you crying?” Tsukishima asked and crouched down in front of little Kageyama, who was bruised and his clothes were rumpled. “Did you have a fight?”_

_“They were picking up on this girl,” Kageyama cried. “I– they deserved it, but...”_

_Tsukishima waited for him to continue. “But?”_

_Kageyama turned away, pulling up his knees to his chest. “But then they started picking on me and no one helped.”_

_Tsukishima fell silent at that._

_But then he sat down next to Kageyama, and said, “They’re cowards.”_

_Kageyama hesitantly turned back. “They are?” he asked with a small voice._

_Tsukishima nodded. “They are.”_

_Kageyama almost looked at him. Almost. “I don’t want to be a coward.”_

_“You aren’t.”_

_Kageyama looked at him. “No?”_

_Tsukishima looked back and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, and said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “You’re brave.”_

Kageyama closed his eyes, feeling a smile wanting to break through, not allowing yet.

“My mom wants you for dinner on Friday,” he heard his best friend’s voice. “She wants to see you. My brother, too.”

Kageyama opened one eye to look at Tsukishima. He was staring at him with careful eyes. “Sure,” Kageyama said, careful to hide the pain or the emotion in his voice. “My dad also said you should come over.”

“Ah, he always makes me watch volleyball match videos. He’s just as bad as you are, if not worse.”

“Can you blame him, though? I look just like him except–”

Both of them froze.

_She’s dead._

Kageyama didn’t even realize what he began to say, until he had said it. He felt the bile choking his throat, he dropped his baseball hat and the mask, stood up from the bench and tried to calm down or look around for a place to throw up–

_She’s dead._

He felt hands on his shoulders. “Tobio.”

_She’s dead._

Kageyama halted in his steps and let Tsukishima to hug him. He laid his head on his friend’s shoulder and hugged him back, trying to take deep, long breaths.

“That’s it, you’re doing fine, everything is fine.”

Kageyama felt so tired, it dropped on him like thousands of shattered, sharp glass. Tsukishima let him go, and then said, “Stay here, I’ll buy you something to drink. There’s a store here close.”

Tsukishima knew that Kageyama had to stand after something like this, so he just silently walked away for the drink.

Kageyama brought a hand over his chest and took a deep, long breath. He then turned his head, for he heard voices, and met

Oikawa’s

gaze.

Kageyama was petrified.

Oikawa’s right hand was raised a little, but then he started to lower it when their eyes met. He stood behind a tall, muscular man with black hair.

And then Kageyama heard another voice, not quite understanding what that was–

Iwaizumi.

Kageyama was seeing Iwaizumi.

It’s as if his legs were glued to the ground, he couldn’t move nor look away from his ghosts. The one who let their team to torment him, and the other who led the whole civil war.

_I’m too tired._

_Too tired to deal with this anymore._

But then Iwaizumi bowed his head, and Kageyama felt his beating machine halt and flutter.

He couldn’t breathe.

Tsukishima got back and followed Kageyama’s gaze. His own eyes hardened and said, “Come, we’re going somewhere quiet where you can drink this,” he placed a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder, picked up the baseball hat and the mask with the drink in the other, and guided him away, almost shielded him.

Kageyama couldn’t think about anything after that.


	4. like we're walking down a road of broken glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someday, you’re going to remember how to smile. Maybe it isn’t today; in fact, maybe today sucked. But that’s okay. There’s a thousand different metaphors and a million different similes on how to say this properly. For one night, though, forget everything. You’re going to be happy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYY I HOPE Y'ALL HAD A WONDERFUL WEEK! I'm very sorry this took so long to update, but, hey, it's finally here!   
This chapter is such an emotional rollercoaster and was such a delight to write.
> 
> Hope y'all like it!

  
  


**Chapter 4**

  
  


**Like we’re walking down a road of broken glass**

  
  
  


Oikawa

* * *

_ Silence in our house was a second language. I was starting to get lost and afraid in our own home, so I decided to get lost in a place where I felt safe: music. _

* * *

  
  


Oikawa woke up to his alarm ringing loudly in his ears. He lifted his head and pressed the button on its top, rubbing his eyes. He threw off the covers, and like a monotone clock, repeated his daily routine. When he was completely dressed, he silently walked down the stairs.

_ No matter how quiet I am, everything rings loudly in this cold, dead house.  _

He walked towards the kitchen, slinging his bag over his shoulders and opening the fridge door. He felt the cold air hitting his knees and he shivered, picking up a carton of milk. He poured himself a glass and put it to his lips. His sister walked into the kitchen, holding a mug of coffee. Her long brown hair was pulled into a bun, and her brown eyes, the same color as Tooru's, looked incredibly exhausted. Her clothes were rumpled from sleep, and she was walking around barefoot. 

"Good morning."

Oikawa nodded towards her, still keeping the glass of milk to his mouth. 

Yuuna put her mug in the sink, turning on the tap, and said, "We have our family dinner today. Kaito will bring his brother too, so come home early from practice."

Oikawa’s expression froze and his hand tightened around his glass. He lowered his eyes, fixing his gaze on the tiles on the floor. "Why do you still stay with him? You know how he is, you know what he does,  _ but you still ignore it. "  _ He looked at her hand, down at the ring that sat around her finger. 

Yuuna extended her hand, trying to touch his face, but he just turned his head away and moved towards the door. 

The silence was incredibly loud now. 

"I'll have breakfast at Iwa-chan's place." He spoke in a cold voice. "Tell mom I'll be there for dinner."

Pain flashed over Yuuna's face as she brought a hand to her mouth and let out a small sob.

_ But Oikawa did not care.  _

* * *

Oikawa slowly turned the handle of the Iwaizumi's door, pulling off his shoes and stepping into the doorway. He breathed in deeply, smelling the sweet smell of pancakes and syrup. He peeked into the kitchen from behind the wall and saw Mrs. Iwaizumi holding up a pan over the stove. 

"Good morning, I'm here to help finish your pancakes." Oikawa smiled charmingly. Iwaizumi held his plate and turned around defensively, glaring at Oikawa, as if he knew what was going to happen. 

Mrs. Iwaizumi turned to him with a plate, flipping a pancake onto it. "Hajime has the syrup, and there are bananas and strawberries at the table."

Oikawa pulled a chair next to Iwaizumi and tried to grab the syrup from him. Iwaizumi held onto it tightly and looked Oikawa in the eyes. "No."

"Hajime, be nice to Tooru."

"You heard her, be nice and give me the bottle." Oikawa pulled on the bottle harder. Iwaizumi was holding onto the cap, and he pulled back. They wrestled with the bottle for a bit, until it popped open. 

Syrup flowed out, onto Oikawa’s shirt, on his pants, and it covered Iwaizumi's face. Oikawa looked up slowly, coming face to face with an enraged Iwaizumi. His mother turned around, and walked over to the both of them. She flicked their foreheads and sent them upstairs to change. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa looked at each other, and walked up the stairs, laughing. 

* * *

After practice, Iwaizumi and Oikawa walked home together, as always. They passed the park, as always, and saw the children cross the street, as always. 

The day, however, was not as it how always was. 

Oikawa, after what it felt like an hour, asked, "Why do you think he came back, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi looked like he knew what he was talking about, but still wanted to make sure. "Who?"

"Tobio," Oikawa seemed thoughtful. "He left all of a sudden, and returned out of nowhere. Don't you think something is wrong? I've had an odd feeling ever since the day he returned." 

_ It's probably nothing.  _

_ Probably.  _

Iwaizumi rubbed his eyes. "I don't think there's any particular reason why he's back, at least not one I can think of," he shrugged. “Maybe they just decided to try out living somewhere else, who knows?" 

Oikawa hummed.

"What did you think when you saw him?" 

_ Iwaizumi has always been perceptive. _

Iwaizumi did not hesitate before answering. "He looked taller. He might even be taller than you."

Oikawa imagined him as if he had never even left. He could always see Tobio so clearly.

_ Maybe because you knew what part of him you had hit in order to win.  _

Oikawa lowered his eyes. "He might be, but the way he holds himself is different. He didn't make himself appear smaller like he did when he was in school. He stands up straight, more confident, yet there is something about him that makes him look tired, as if he wants to take the longest nap in the world."

_ He looked worse than he did when he was with us.  _

"He can handle it," Iwaizumi said, probably thinking the same thing. "Oikawa, he's not fifteen anymore. You also need to take care of yourself. Are you sure you'll be fine with Kaito there?"

Oikawa sighed. "I don’t think I can get out of family dinner, even if I didn't want to go. My parents would get even more suspicious if I declined, and I can't explain why I don't want to be around him. He's also bringing his brother today," He added. "I wonder if he's the same." He made a face. 

_ The world doesn't need another devil.  _

"You can get through it," Iwaizumi said gently, saving him like he always did. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Oikawa slowly shook his head with a soft, almost sad smile. "I wish you could come to dinner with us. I wish you could come save me from this, tell me it's okay, but I know you can't, and I know it will not be okay."

Iwaizumi had a pained look in his eyes and he wrapped his arms around Oikawa. "I wish it wasn't like this," he whispered. "I wish they could understand, I wish you didn't have to hide. I wish I could protect you from Kaito, from Izumi, from everyone who gives you shit, but I can't,  _ I really can't-"  _

Oikawa laid his head on Iwaizumi's shoulder, feeling as if he was at home. 

_ It feels like I really do have a home.  _

"That's okay," he mumbled. "You've already done so much I feel like I can fight the stars."

"Look what we have here!" A deep voice interjected. Oikawa’s eyes widened and he stepped back, pushing Iwaizumi away. "What's wrong,  _ Tooru,  _ are you really that much of a slut that one's not enough for you?"

Oikawa’s ears rang as he recognized the voice.

_ Kaito. _

His hands started to shake so he hid them behind his back, slowly so that Kaito would not notice. He faintly heard Iwaizumi step towards the man in rage. "What did you just call him?"

_ No. _

_ Hajime, stop- _

Oikawa looked up, trying to slow down his rapidly beating heart, and saw Kaito, grinning at him. It was sharp, like a knife, and cunning like a fox. 

He ignored Iwaizumi, and continued, "Sometimes I think about how I should just take a couple of pictures and show it to my dear old father-in-law. Aren’t you curious what daddy would say?”

Oikawa flinched and he hated it. How could he be so _weak_, so _useless_ in front of _someone_ _like_ _him_?

Iwaizumi was there immediately and he grabbed Kaito's arm, even though he was quite a bit larger than him. Rage flashed in his eyes. "You  _ dare  _ say such filthy things to him? You're the one who's disgusting. I wonder what it's like for you, how you're so pathetic that even  _ people like us _ hate you." 

Kaito finally turned his attention to Iwaizumi. "Yes,  _ I dare _ . There's nothing your kind can do to me anyway. If dear daddy asks why his precious son's best friend, his own friend's son, is assaulting his son-in-law, what would he think?" 

  
  


_ He wouldn’t- _

_ No.  _

_ He would.  _

  
  


Oikawa let out a small noise, wrapping his arms around himself and trying to appear smaller. His hands were shaking, palms sweaty, but he reached out to Iwaizumi weakly, with all his remaining willpower. "Iwa-chan, let's go."

Kaito looked intrigued. "You even have nicknames for each other? How  _ quaint." _

Oikawa flinched again, and Iwaizumi noticed it immediately. 

"I just told you to  _ shut up,”  _ Iwaizumi said through gritted teeth _ ,“ _ didn't I?" 

Oikawa’s head snapped up. "Iwa-chan,  _ please,  _ let's just  _ go, _ " he begged, lowering his head again. 

His eyes fell on the ring on Kaito's left hand, and just for a moment, his fear was overtaken by disgust. He looked away from it, not wanting to be reminded that he would have to see this vile man again and again, during every holiday, every family occasion and all he could do was hide his hatred and disgust, smiling politely, screaming silently.

Oikawa wondered if he had the will to do that, because if things did not change, he would not get peace until Kaito was still there.

Oikawa wondered if he had the will to wait.

_ Maybe I don’t. _

Iwaizumi finally let go of Kaito. “Don't let me hear you say anything like that to him again. If you so much as  _ breathe _ wrong in his direction, I will make sure every breath you take for the rest of your life is painful.”

Kaito pushed Iwaizumi away and moved over to Oikawa, holding his wrist tightly. “We're late already, we don't have time for you to fool around because you can't control yourself.” 

He pulled him inside and shut the door, leaving Iwaizumi outside. 

Oikawa tried freeing his hand from Kaito’s grasp, wincing as his grip only tightened. “What's wrong,  _ princess?” _

Oikawa’s eyes widened. 

_ “What's wrong, princess?” _

_ “Don't call me that.” Oikawa growled at him. _

"Kaito, let him go, Yuuna's calling you." Izumi stood in the hall, leaning against the wall with an unreadable look on his face. Oikawa looked up slowly and met Izumi's eyes, which stared back coldly. 

_ Look at you,  _ they seemed to say.  _ Look at how pathetic you are.  _

"Izu-Nakahara, what are you doing here?" Oikawa struggled against Kaito’s grip. 

Kaito leaned in towards Oikawa, and smirked. "I guess you've given yourself around so much that you've even reached my brother." 

Oikawa stopped, petrified; his head was spinning. "Brother?" 

Izumi covered the last few steps, and pried Oikawa’s arm from Kaito’s grasp. He rubbed the inside of his wrist with his thumb, but looked at him with the same cold expression. “Yes, he’s my older brother. Go get changed, we’re leaving in a while.” He released his grip.

Oikawa turned around and walked up the stairs, a little baffled by what had just happened, but he had a terrible feeling of anxiety in his gut. 

He could hear Izumi and Kaito arguing downstairs. He could hear Yuuna laughing with their mother downstairs. He could hear the folding and rustling of the newspaper his father was reading, and he could hear the sounds of traffic, the cars honking on the street outside.

But the loudest of all were the voices he could hear in his head.

_ People say that these voices in your head are your conscience.  _

Oikawa does not think this voice is his conscience. 

Your conscience isn’t supposed to berate you, taunt you, mock you until the verge of breaking. Your conscience isn’t supposed to tear into you, draining you of energy and leaving you with no will to go on, and it isn’t supposed to make your world start graying on the edges.

Oikawa hates the voices in his head.

They sound a little like him, but mostly, they sound like Kaito and Izumi, telling him how  _ weak,  _ how  _ pathetic  _ he is.   
  


* * *

They entered the restaurant, with its bright lights and pretty tables. There was a heavenly smell coming from inside. They moved to one of the tables towards the side, facing a window, so they could get some fresh air. Oikawa saw a tall man with dark, black hair who looked familiar. He couldn’t see his face, so he turned around and sat at the table, ignoring the pesky feeling in his stomach.

Oikawa was sitting next to Izumi, and they were sitting opposite Yuuna and Kaito. His parents were sitting next to each other on the other side of the table. They ordered and then talked about meaningless things like school or work, and Oikawa didn’t really listen or pay attention, and neither did Izumi. Their food arrived everybody started to eat. Oikawa was grateful he had a reason to stay silent now.

Yuuna was fiddling with her hands nervously, and Kaito put an arm around her and whispered something in her ear. She smiled back at him, and then turned to the rest of them. She took a deep breath and said, “We have something to announce.”

Oikawa hated Kaito more at moments like these, when he acted nice and acted like he wasn’t the monster he was to Oikawa. He wanted to scream to everyone to  _ look at him, look at what he is, why can’t you see what I see? _

Oikawa looked up to see Kaito hold Yuuna’s hand, and squeeze it. 

“We’re going to have a baby.”

Oikawa dropped his fork. 

He lifted his head and saw Kaito smirking at him, his mom had covered her mouth with her hands in wonder, and his dad was smiling faintly.

Izumi was looking almost bored, with his blank face.

_ Did he know? _

His mother got up, coming towards Yuuna and hugged her tightly. “Congratulations!” 

Oikawa gripped the sides of his chair. 

_ I should be happy for her, I really should, yet why do I have this feeling of anger? _

He faintly heard the others congratulating them, smiling and laughing, while he tried to keep his composure. He felt a hand on his knee, holding it gently.

_ So he does remember my knee is sensitive. _

Oikawa was shaken out of his trance when his father called his name. “Tooru, what about you? Are we going to meet any girls soon?”

Oikawa’s heart sank. How was he supposed to tell them that he wouldn’t be bringing them a daughter-in-law, how was he supposed to tell them he didn’t like girls in the first place?

He heard Kaito comment snidely, “Yeah,  _ Tooru,  _ when are we going to meet a girlfriend of yours?”

_ What is he getting at? Does he know about Izumi and I? _

_ Oikawa suddenly remembered. _

_ "What's wrong, Tooru, are you really that much of a slut that one's not enough for you?" _

_ He did. _

And then he felt

terror.

_ Will he tell them? _

_ Will he tell _

_ my  _

_ parents? _

Oikawa looked at Izumi, hoping for help to change the topic. Izumi merely looked at him and then turned away. 

Kaito continued, he never seemed to stop, 

“What’s wrong? You look rather pale, is everything alright? Do you have something to tell us, Tooru?”

Oikawa nearly started hyperventilating, and felt waves of nausea hit him. His hands started to sweat and shook uncontrollably. “No,” he mumbled weakly, standing up. “Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom, I’ll be back in a moment.”

Oikawa felt questioning looks on his back, but he continued to walk ahead, not looking back. 

He entered the restroom, silently praying that there wouldn’t be anyone inside, that no one would see him in this disheveled,  _ pathetic _ state. He opened the door, and thankfully, it was empty. He went over to the sinks and looked at himself in the mirror.

He hated that Kaito was right. How he really was pale, how he really was afraid, how he really was truly alone.

_ I look like a person who is not capable of giving a real smile. _

Oikawa turned on the tap and splashed water on his face, letting the cool water run down his cheeks. It was a contrast to the red-hot anger and burning shame inside him. 

It all crashed down then.

_ They’re going to have a baby. _

_ He’s going to be here for good. _

And Oikawa found breathing too difficult, too painful, because Kaito wouldn’t go anywhere, maybe never–

“Hi there,” Oikawa heard a voice speak softly from behind him and he turned around. Maybe it was because of how he turned around, maybe it was too fast, he didn’t know, but for a moment–

He saw Tobio.

But there was something different, something strange. This man looked far too mature, looked far too calm for someone like Tobio.

And then Oikawa looked into his eyes.

_ They aren’t blue. _

And then he knew.

This was Tobio’s dad.

Oikawa grabbed a few tissues from the dispenser and wiped his face, perhaps a little too hard.

“Hey, kid, slow down, it’s alright,” he stepped closer and silently reached for the tissues, but didn’t move even an inch to get them or to touch Oikawa. He just stood there, waiting patiently.

Oikawa stood there, tissues balled up in his clenched fists, shaking violently with his head lowered. He finally mustered up the courage to look up again, and was met by a kind, smiling face. 

Oikawa froze.

Because Tobio never smiled like that at him.  _ At anyone. _ Ever.

And this man wasn’t Tobio. It wasn’t really Tobio at all.

But for a single moment,

That smile made Oikawa feel like he was forgiven.

“I know who you are,” he said in a soft voice. “Please don’t lower your head, especially not when it clearly looks like someone or something made you feel miserable,” he looked back to the door and asked, “Also, please don’t tell your father I’m here, I don’t want to see him.”

Oikawa looked at him, surprised. “Why?” 

Kageyama’s dad narrowed his eyes at the door, going silent. “You know why. I assume he doesn’t act different around his family either,” his eyes softened as he looked back at Oikawa. 

Oikawa didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. 

“Can I help you with anything? Would you like a lift to the Iwaizumi’s?” he asked patiently.

_ He couldn’t remember the last time his family members looked at him like that. _

Oikawa looked bewildered, like he couldn’t believe his ears. “No, thank you, although I appreciate the offer, I have to stay through dinner.”

Kageyama’s dad nodded and was about to move towards the door, but Oikawa couldn’t help but ask,

“Why are you being so nice to me?” his voice was small when he asked this because–

_ Oh _ .

He felt tears roll down his cheeks.

_ Why, when the whole team and I did– _

Kageyama’s dad turned back, his eyes looked tired but when he noticed Oikawa was crying, he walked over towards him.

“Don’t cry, Oikawa,” he said, gripping Oikawa’s shoulders. “Please. You were children, everyone makes mistakes. It’s normal; it happened and we can’t change it, so we need to move on.”

Oikawa buried his face in his hands. “What I did to him was wrong,” he whispered.

_ We bullied him, we made him feel miserable, we didn’t do anything to make him stay.  _

_ He didn’t deserve that, nobody did, how could I do that– _

Kageyama’s dad hugged him, patting his shoulder. “Even if he does not, I forgive you. Because I know how children get, and because I know you didn’t have an easy life either.”

Oikawa’s cries subsided to sniffles and he took a few deep breaths.

_ It’s almost sad how happy one hug from someone else’s dad can make me feel. _

“Be strong, kiddo,” he said and then let Oikawa go, giving him a last smile. He walked to the door and waved at him, saying one last thing, “If something happens at home, and you feel like you can’t talk to anyone, you know where to find me.”

Oikawa froze. “Okay,” he said hesitantly, feeling numb from all the overwhelming feelings.

The older man nodded, “Goodbye then, and good luck. You look like you’d need it.”

_ It’s amazing to see how one person can ruin my day, and the most unexpected person can make it better. _

* * *

_ Someday, you’re going to remember how to smile. Maybe it isn’t today; in fact, maybe today sucked. But that’s okay. There’s a thousand different metaphors and a million different similes on how to say this properly. For one night, though, forget everything. You’re going to be happy again. _

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from the song called "It hurts 2B human" by Pink and Khalid.
> 
> HOPE Y'ALL LIKED IT :D :D


	5. It's so, so very easy to break what someone's made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello our adorable–evils!! 
> 
> WE ARE FINALLY BACK!! I am so sorry it took us (me) so long!! The_inner_darkness and me had a bit difficult time. Me with every tomorrows, her with her cat–
> 
> TBH IT WAS MY FAULT RIP XDDD
> 
> Well we talked and you guys will get two chapters per month. So one chapter from me and then one chapter from her. This way we can keep our schedule and finish the story -
> 
> WHICH WE LOVE EVEN MORE AS WE TALKED AGAIN ABOUT IT AND OUTLINED MORE :333333
> 
> Love you guys!! I hope you will like it!! Thank you for the hits, kudos and bookmarks!! AND ESPECIALLY THE COMMENTS :DDD

**Chapter 5**

**It’s so, so very easy to break what someone’s made**

Kageyama

**–––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

**19:36**

Kageyama looked down at his phone, and narrowed his eyes because the screen almost blinded him it was so dark out there.

_“...I’ll probably order something from a restaurant for dinner and then bring it home, so be at home at seven, okay..”_

Kageyama sighed and then adjusted his baseball cap a bit on his head. His father will be really angry. He should have come home earlier. Well, he wasn’t really far away from home – and his dad haven’t sent him a single message either.

Could it be he wasn’t at home yet either?

Kageyama’s phone began to ring, making him wince. He didn’t stop walking, he just looked down at the phone in his hand.

**Incoming call:**

**Tsukishima**

**Accept Decline**

Kageyama pressed the left button and picked up the phone, saying, “What?”

“Are you home?” Tsukishima didn't even hesitate, he didn’t even wait for Kageyama to answer. “You fucking piece of shit I told you to get a taxi, now I have to stay in this call until you get home safe. As if I don’t have better things to do–”

Kageyama smirked, knowing very well that Tsukishima had nothing else to do. “What if I _did_ take a taxi?”

“I bet five million that you’re walking right now,” Tsukishima said in a blasé voice. “It’s not like you ever do what you’re told anyway.”

Kageyama hummed and looked down at the scar on his arm. “You worry too much about me, Kei.”

Tsukishima went silent for a while. “You know why.”

Kageyama felt the pain in his chest swell, like an ugly burn. “Let’s talk about something else,” he said quickly and turned left on the sidewalk, continuing his path. “What’s this Nekoma captain guy I heard so much about?”

“_Shimizu._”

Kageyama laughed when he heard Tsukishima’s . “He must be hot stuff,” he said. “I mean having a crush on a volleyball captain? Tsukishima I’m so disappointed right now, after all those long years with you complaining about the stupid sport–”

“Okay! Okay I get it,” Tsukishima clicked his tongue. “_Fuck_!”

Kageyama’s grin turned smug.

“Oh fuck– for once in your life you’re right, so what?!” Tsukishima began. “Wipe that smile off your face!”

“You don’t even see me!” Kageyama was still grinning.

“Oh, but I know you’re very proud of yourself now, you cocky bastard–”

Kageyama noticed a man hiding behind one of the bushes, so he stopped. The man was in black clothes and he was looking ahead and Kageyama followed his gaze. He was staring at an old woman with a–

Kageyama froze.

“Kageyama? Are you there?” Tsukishima spoke, clearly worried. “Is there something wrong?”

Kageyama was clenching the phone over his ear when he saw the man running towards the woman, stealing her bag. The woman cried out for help, pointing at the man.

And something snapped in Kageyama.

So fast and it echoed and he didn’t

even

hesitate.

He cursed as he hung up the phone and bolted after the thief.

He ran faster and faster, trying to catch up. His lungs were on fire as he tried to breathe evenly, it was really dark so he had to be careful where he was going. The man knew a shortcut, Kageyama sped up and caught the thief’s leg, making both of them drop on the ground.

The man tried to get away and started kicking Kageyama but he quickly grabbed the man’s arms and took the bag.

The man turned around and tried to hit Kageyama, but he dodged and kicked the man’s ribs. The thief groaned in pain. He was still lying on the ground and then started to reach down towards his shoe–

Kageyama reacted just in time as the thief pulled the knife out of his shoe – the movement of his arm was broad, it got Kageyama’s arm a bit. He hissed in pain as he brought his other hand to the bruise – still holding the bag – and looked at the thief.

And Kageyama’s eyes slid down to the

knife.

His blood ran cold.

His breathing became shallow as his fingers tightened around the handle of the bag. He couldn’t move, let alone speak or look away. He was frozen in place.

And then it was over.

Someone was patting his shoulders, he turned his head and saw a cop. He noticed he was still holding the bag in his hands, some people were talking to him but he didn’t really hear it. The old lady came close to Kageyama and patted his hair, bowing, saying how grateful she was that Kageyama got back her bag.

“Let me take you to the hospital,” the old woman said, lightly escorting Kageyama. “You’re badly hurt, I’m so sorry about that, darling–”

Kageyama tried to come back out of his shock.

He didn’t even notice when the old grandma started driving – when did he get into her car? He started blinking slowly and tried to hold his hand on his wound. He looked down, trying to focus. It was in a bandage – maybe one of the cops did it? Then Kageyama took a closer look.

The scar reopened his old one.

“You’re a troublemaker,” the old grandma said without looking away from the road. She meant his older scar. “You do this often? Helping people?”

Kageyama closed his eyes and leaned on the window, not answering. Grandma was silent for a long time.

But then she said, with a gentle tone, “Take care of yourself next time okay, hero–san?”

Kageyama for the first time that day felt a little smile touch his mouth.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

“It barely grazed you. You said you leaned away? Lucky,” the doctor finished treating his arm. The older man nodded and wrote something down. Kageyama was sitting on a bed, and despite being late the hospital was full, it made him feel a strange sense of Déja vu.

“I’m more worried about your older scar, Kageyama,” he looked up, his gaze seemed careful. “Did you do that to yourself?” He looked down again on the paper, preparing himself to start writing.

“_…Look how easy it is to cut–_”

“No,” he said, trying to stay calm. “Someone else did.”

The doctor seemed to freeze for a moment. His eyes slightly widened and he looked up again at Kageyama.

He sighed, trying to reassure him. “It was not someone who’s related, I didn’t even know him at all, don’t need to look so scared, doc.”

“That’s not really what caught me off guard, Kageyama,” the doctor began, looking down at his arm. The scar started from his elbow and ended at his palm, it was bandaged up but Kageyama could still see it. Even if it was covered. “This won’t–”

“_Tobio!_”

Both him and the doctor turned towards the direction of the voice.

Kageyama’s dad looked like the most terrified person on earth. His clothes were all over the place, he was as pale as the wall, and the moment he saw his son–

Kageyama didn’t even notice when he had reached out with his bandaged hand towards his father.

Ren was immediately there to touch Kageyama’s head, looking over his injuries all over his body and then hugged him, and Kageyama could hear his father’s heartbeat, and it was so fast– “I feel like I can’t breathe,” his dad said holding onto Kageyama with dear life.

Kageyama just held him tighter, not knowing what to say. He completely understood why his dad acted as– as if–

_He hatedhow they both understood._

“Sir,” the doctor spoke. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to you.” But Ren didn’t let him go.

Kageyama didn’t want him to let go either.

Even so he said, as gently as he could, “I’ll be fine, just go.”

He could feel his dad nod, his chin brushed the top of his head. He then slowly let go of Kageyama and walked away with the doctor.

Kageyama was left alone, sitting on the bed. He didn’t hear what they were talking about, they must have gone far. His back was hunched, as if everything he had ever done was weighing him down, as if something was sitting on his shoulders, tearing his skin apart.

His head wanted to burst and everything hurt his eyes, it was too bright. He sighed again and then closed his eyes, trying to find peace but everything was so loud and everyone just constantly kept moving–

“Kageyama?”

His eyes snapped open and he turned to the right, finding himself face to face with Iwaizumi Hajime.

_Ah._

Kageyama narrowed his eyes.

_This is really not my fucking day._

“Iwaizumi,” Kageyama said and raised an eyebrow when Iwaizumi bowed to him first. He bowed back a little but didn’t question it. “What are you doing here?”

Iwaizumi seemed taken aback. “I should be asking that,” he pointedly looked at Kageyama’s bandaged arm. “What happened?”

It’s been three years since the last time he saw Iwaizumi. Anything could happen or change in three years. Even still, something made Kageyama feel this distant, horrible empty emotion in his skull, crawling down to his chest.

Because Iwaizumi seemed healthy.

He didn’t have any fault on his skin, he kept his back straight, he looked like someone who had no idea what it was to have something on your shoulders, trying to break your bones.

He looked like someone who never knew what real pain felt like.

Kageyama wondered if he should lie.

_Would that even matter? At this point?_

So he just said, “Someone stole the bag of an old lady so I chased him to get it back.”

“Huh,” Iwaizumi was staring at him for a long time before saying, “you still look pretty beat up to me, though.”

“At least I don’t have broken ribs.” Kageyama answered with a sharp smile. The satisfaction however, did not reach his heart and it was far from his eyes.

Iwaizumi did not seem to notice he just blinked, and blinked again.

“Did you–”

“I did,” Kageyama said bluntly. “So I hope that son of a bitch won’t be able to breathe properly for at least two weeks,” Iwaizumi snorted at that and Kageyama decided to ask, “and what are _you_ doing here?”

Iwaizumi laughed a little. “My boyfriend hurt his leg,” he said and waved a hand at Kageyama. “It’s nothing serious, his best friend just made him participate in a prank and it went wrong,” he stopped for a moment before saying, “it always does. Goes wrong, I mean. They never learn.”

Kageyama hummed, not knowing what to do with the information. There was something though, that made him pause a bit. “Boyfriend?” he echoed.

“Hm?” Iwaizumi looked confused at first but then realization shone on his face. “Oh yeah… took a long time to find out,” he stopped talking for a moment and then before it got awkward, Iwaizumi began to speak again. “Listen Kageyama, I better get going because I don’t want my mom to be angry at me–”

But Iwaizumi did not go.

For some reason he kept staring at Kageyama. As if he was petrified, glued to the floor.

Kageyama only realized this because he couldn’t look away either. Maybe because Iwaizumi was happy, maybe because Iwaizumi looked like he finally knew what to do with his life–

Maybe because Iwaizumi still had a mom.

_When Iwaizumi goes home, there will be someone in that house._

When Iwaizumi goes home, there will be someone waiting for him, making a hot meal, welcoming him with open arms and a warm smile.

Sometimes, Kageyama thought he should just kill himself so that he could go home.

He then felt someone get too close, too _near, too close_–

“Kageyama?”

Kageyama only then realized that he was gripping Iwaizumi’s wrist, almost breaking it in the process.

His eyes widened as he realized what he was doing, and he let go of him. Kageyama looked down at his own arm, as if it was not really his.

“Iwaizumi,” he was still too close and Kageyama felt like he was suffocating. “You’re too close, please give me space.”

Kageyama did not see Iwaizumi, but he could hear his voice and somehow that made him more irritated than he had been before.

_You can’t even look at him in the eye._

_You really thought you could live with yourself?_

_Did_

_you_

_really_

_think_

_that?_

“Kageyama–” Iwaizumi began, “I…please, I know you don’t want to hear it but I… I have to say it, because what we did to you was the worst thing I have done in my entire life, and I’m so ashamed of myself–”

Kageyama was touching the bandage on his arm, trying to feel his scar, trying to tear it open. He was looking ahead as if he wanted a direction to somewhere, anywhere.

But he just wanted to go back in time and die.

He spaced out then and when he came back he found himselflying on his bed. He had no idea how he got here – probably with his dad driving him home, escorting him to bed.

Sometimes, Kageyama just couldn’t get out of his head.

He would never be able to live outside his mind.

He tried to dream. He really did. But he couldn’t close his eyes and relax. So he listened to the sound of cars passing by the street. It sometimes lightened up his room, sometimes it made it darker. The colors played in his room, as if they were the only living beings in it.

Sometimes, Kageyama wished he would have the guts or the bravery to kill himself. So that he could finally rest, so that he could forget.

The only thing that made him stop was the thought of leaving his dad alone.

But maybe Kageyama wasn’t really alive anymore.

This couldn’t be called living, this couldn’t be called a life.

_It’s like as if I’m waiting for the end of a movie, but it never ends._

It

won’t

ever

end.

**––––––––––––––––––––**

Kageyama did not sleep. When the clock struck four in the morning, he decided to wake up and get dressed. He didn’t want to see his dad at all. He changed his bandage, brushed his teeth and his face and then decided to put on warm boots and his long black coat. He also put a black baseball cap, grabbed his phone and left.

When Kageyama closed the door behind himself, he felt lost.

As he started walking towards the of the city centre, he always made sure to look behind his shoulders, he looked around as much as it was needed to feel comfortable. It was rather empty – the streets, the shops.

Rain was dripping down from the trees, from the petals of flowers beside the sidewalk. Kageyama heard his solid footsteps on the pavement, the remnants of the rain creating and old familiar rhythm.

His phone rang and Kageyama flinched, he picked up without looking at the caller. “Yes?”

“Oh, so you’re alive after all,” Tsukishima began, he sounded very annoyed. “Thank you for sending me a message and giving me call, Kageyama. Thank you for telling me you were in the hospital because of an old lady, Kageyama. You fucking lunatic.”

Kageyama sighed and touched the bridge of his nose, enjoying the cold air getting into his lungs. “Dad called you, huh?”

Tsukishima snorted. “Be grateful that he did,” he said. “He’s the only reason I’m not flaying your skin right now.”

Kageyama looked at the phone with disgust before answering. “Since when do you know how to flay skins?”

“Since yesterday,” Tsukishima answered like a reflex, “since when do you save old ladies and kick the shit out of muggers in a dark valley?”

Kageyama did not even hesitate. “Since yesterday.”

“I will kill you one day,” Tsukishima said with clear rage. “You will make me that angry one day – please don’t piss me off because then I have to kill you, and then myself.”

“Whoa, you’re really devoted to me, Tsukishima.”

“You’re walking on thin ice–“

“I didn’t know you adored me this much, I–”

“Oh for the love of–” and Tsukishima hung up.

Kageyama looked at the phone in his hand with surprise. Tsukishima never gave up this easily.

Could it be–

Kageyama tilted his head and smirked as he began to count down.

_3,_

_2,_

_1._

The phone rang and Kageyama picked it up immediately.

“Yes?” he was grinning.

“Wipe that smile off your face and come over mine, my mom want to make you breakfast.”

**–––––––––––––––––––**

There were so many things on the table, Kageyama thought he was imagining things. There was steamed rice, miso soup, fermented soy beans, grilled fish, pickled vegetables, seasoned dried seaweed, and vegetable side dishes. Kageyama also saw green tea, and milk.

Tsukishima’s mom gave Kageyama a big smile as she walked around the table and then stopped, hugging him from behind.

Kageyama turned crimson.

“_Awww_, you’ve grown so much Tobio,” Nanami cooed, pressing a kiss on the top of his head, still hugging the life out of him. “Eat as much as you’d like, okay?”

“Mom, we get it, you love him,” Tsukishima butted in. “Let him go already, look, he can’t even breathe.”

Nanami turned to Tsukishima and said, “Kei, I don’t like the tone you’re using with Tobio.”

Tsukishima choked on his green tea. “What?” He began to cough, almost dying right on the table, but Nanami didn’t even move. She was just staring at his son, finally stopping coughing so much.

Nanami sighed. “Are you done?”

Tsukishima looked like someone who was done with all the shit that had been happening today. “That’s it,” he said as he stood up from the table and moved close to Kageyama and then started attacking his hair.

Nanami almost shrieked. “What are you doing?” and then tried to pry Tsukishima’s hands off Kageyama’s head.

Meanwhile, Kageyama had to grip the edge of the table in order to not fall down on the floor. Tsukishima began to ruffle his hair with dangerous force, and then Kageyama heard someone get hit in the back of the head.

“Jesus Christ!” Tsukishima cried out and then fell down to the ground. Kageyama sighed when he noticed he was saved, and then moved to touch his hair.

It felt like a bird’s nest.

“Kei, you’re NOT EVEN RELIGIOUS!” Nanami shrieked.

Kageyama whipped his head towards the loud sound and noticed Nanami beating Tsukishima – who was lying on the ground – with a towel.

Kageyama was staring at them while eating his onigiri in silence. Tsukishima began to cry, and Kageyama started laughing, pointing at him, saying, “You look ridiculous.”

That was the moment when the front door opened. “Hey mom, Kei! I’m ho–”

Tsukishima’s brother’s jaw fell down as he looked at his mom, beating Tsukishima with a towel while Kageyama was chewing his food and was watching the whole thing.

He dropped the grocery bags on the floor with a lout thud, looked around, his gaze stopped on the table and he just said, after some time, “Mom, you seriously forgot to make pancakes?”

And Kageyama burst out laughing, almost choking on the rice.

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

Kageyama was sitting in Tsukishima’s room. The blond boy was holding an ice–pack against the side of his face.

Kageyama was biting his bottom lip to prevent himself from laughing.

“Shut up,” Tsukishima began without even looking at him.

Kageyama bit down his bottom lip harder. “I didn’t even say a word.”

Tsukishima did not look impressed at all. He turned to look at Kageyama, they were eating pizza because it was close to three in the afternoon. It had ham, cheese and pepperoni on top. Kageyama picked one slice up from the box and took a bite – the cheese stretched out and it made him smile a bit.

Tsukishima was staring at him as he picked one slice of pizza as well. “Won’t your dad be angry because you’re here and not at home?”

Kageyama enjoyed the taste of the cheese and the tomato melting in his mouth. He answered after a couple of minutes, “He knows that I’m here, if that’s what you meant.”

Tsukishima took a bite as well and then started chewing. He put down the ice–pack on the floor. He was staring at Kageyama. “Hey,” Tsukishima began. “How are you? Really?”

Kageyama just sent him a glare.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue. “I know it was a shitty question but,” he took a deep breath, “each time I see you, you look worse and worse. Do you even sleep?”

Kageyama was holding his slice of pizza and just stared down at the food. “I don’t feel safe.”

Tsukishima almost flinched next to him. “You don’t feel safe?” he echoed, and then realized something. He tried to say the next thing as carefully as he could, “You can’t sleep alone, Kageyama?”

Kageyama put down the pizza back into the box and shook his head a little. His hand found his way towards his bandage. He looked as if he was trying to comfort himself.

When he looked back up to Tsukishima, he noticed the other boy pressed his lips into a thin line. He said, “You can use my brother’s room,” he said in a quiet tone. “I need to do my homework, but… I’ll be here in my room. Completely awake. Do you want to sleep? Or at least try?”

Kageyama seemed thoughtful as he nodded. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I can try.”

Tsukishima nodded and put his pizza back into the box as well. He stood up and went out of the room with Kageyama following him.

Tsukishima opened the door and let Kageyama in. “Are you sure he won’t mind?” Kageyama asked with a little bit unease.

“Akiteru doesn’t mind anything if it’s you,” Tsukishima snorted. “He probably loves you more than he loves me,” Tsukishima then stopped, thinking, “well, my mom loves you more as well. Huh… when did you make them fall in love with you, Kageyama? And more importantly, why doesn’t it work on me? Was this your plan all along?”

But Kageyama wasn’t really listening. He counted how many steps there were from the door to the window, then walked close to the window and checked if he could climb out if it was necessary. He then opened everything he could and looked inside, he touched all the books he could touch, he moved to the desk and looked into the drawers.

“Tobio,” Tsukishima began with an interesting voice. “Whatever you’re doing, please stop.”

Kageyama stopped and then looked back to Tsukishima. “I have to,” he stated. “You don’t understand.”

Tsukishima furrowed his brows but stayed silent. Kageyama continued to search for any sharp objects when the other boy finally replied, “Why didn’t you search my room, then?”

Kageyama simply said, “Because you’re harmless.”

Tsukishima’s expression was priceless. “I don’t know whether to get offended or not.”

“Whatever pisses you off more.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Please do, then your mom will kill you and we meet again in hell.”

“Oh FOR THE LOVE OF–”

Kageyama sat down on the bed with a light feeling in his chest.

_Maybe I could really sleep. Finally._

He then almost moved to lie down but then – he noticed the pillow. He was staring at the pillow.

“No,” Tsukishima said.

Kageyama looked at Tsukishima, and then looked back at the pillow…

Then looked back at Tsukishima again and slowly, without breaking eye contact, picked up the pillow and started to–

“No,” Tsukishima said.

Kageyama stopped, and then with a fast movement–

He pulled down the pillow case.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

“KEI!” Nanami screamed. “DON’T CURSE IN MY HOUSE!”

Kageyama looked everywhere and moved to touch anything he could when–

_There was something._

He stopped and looked at Tsukishima. “What?” Tsukishima asked, clearly not amused. “Don’t tell me you really found something?”

Kageyama pulled the thing out and it was indeed something.

Huh.

_Something gold._

Kageyama’s eyes widened as his gaze met with Tsukishima’s. There was a pregnant silence.

But then both of them just shouted,

“A FUCKING RING?!”

“A RING?!”

“WHOSE RING IS IT?!”

“IT’S HIS, RIGHT?!”

“HOW COULD IT BE HIS?!”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

“KEI, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!”

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

Kageyama was staring at his new psychologist.

He didn’t want to leave so early – not after he and Tsukishima found that mystery ring, but he had an appointment. His dad didn’t expect much now from Kageyama, but he did expect him to keep his schedule. Kageyama, in all honesty, just wished he could have avoided this.

At first glance, this man looked like as if he was an actor, playing the good guy who always got the girl and saved the day in the end, punching the bad guy into tomorrow.

Kageyama wanted to hate him. Most of the time, these people were the worst of the worst. So he decided he would hate him the moment he opened his mouth. Yes, he could totally do that. It would be a piece of cake.

Yamada Kenta was sitting in a comfortable looking armchair in front of Kageyama, holding a notebook and a pen in his hands, and then said, without ever looking up from the paper,

“God, Kageyama, you really don’t want any help– any kind of help, at all,” he sighed placed the notebook and the pen on the coffee table, and buried his face into his hands.

Kageyama just froze.

“What?” he echoed as if he heard it wrong. “What gave you this idea?”

Yamada picked the notebook up and started reading something. Kageyama wanted to see what was written down, very badly.

Yamada then looked up and decided to just stare at him for a couple of minutes.

“Well, first of all you’re clenching your fists like you’re going to enter a boxing match,” Kageyama looked down to see that his fists, were indeed, clenched. He tried to calm down and relax.

It was almost impossible to do so.

He chose to settle his arms in a crossed position and fiddled with the edge of his bandage. Yamada followed Kageyama’s movements with curious eyes and wrote something down in his notebook.

Kageyama did not like that at all. Being this open to someone, being so vulnerable, even though all he was doing was sitting on a couch, in front of a man he met for the first time today.

He frowned.

_It sounds weird if you put it like that, though._

“You look stiff, try to loosen up a little,” he gestured towards Kageyama’s arms. “You’ve got all those muscles, sure, but it won’t help if you’re going to sit there like a cement statue,” Yamada raised an eyebrow.

Kageyama tried to relax, yet again. “I am completely calm,” he said through his teeth.

Yamada just stared. “Aha.”

Kageyama stared back. “I am.”

“Sure.”

“_I am!_”

“Why are you yelling? You’re proving my point,” Yamada peered down at his notes, “Tobio.”

Kageyama felt his blood run cold. “What is it?” his voice was pure steel, “_Kenta_.”

The man gave out an amused smile. “Very charming,” he slightly shook his head and raised his hands defensively, as if he was waiting for Kageyama to punch him. “Don’t come at me, I’m only here to help.”

Kageyama narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his seat. “How do you want to help? Please, enlighten me,” he said with a cold voice. “Can you bring her back?”

Kenta winced and looked down. “No,” he said and then slowly, with a careful tone, he continued, “I’m not here to bring her back. I’m here to bring you back.”

And Kageyama in that moment could feel something move against his soul as he tightly shut his eyes.

As if he wanted to cry but forgot how to.

When he opened his eyes, they were filled with pain.

Kenta smiled softly and looked like as if he wanted to say something, but then chose to stay silent.

Kageyama found himself wanting to know what he tried to say.

_Maybe one day._

Maybe one day he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this comes from the song :333:
> 
> Aimer and Radwimps's singer – chouchou musubi

**Author's Note:**

> PS:  
Chapter 1 and Chapter 2's title are from the song called "Grand Escape" from the new Makoto Shinkai movie "Weathering with you"  
Chapter 3 and Chapter 4's titles are from the song called "It hurts 2B human" by Pink and Khalid. ;DDDD


End file.
